When we first restarted ttwd we had a brief discussion about
other forms of consequences such as removal of privileges (my coffee maker L), corner time and etc…
well, we never agreed to do any type of corner time or bedroom time but it was
something I mentioned during one of our conversations; but I said I didn’t
think it would be anything I would do, because it seemed more like a “Time-out”
and I doubted that it would be effective, soooo we moved on in our discussions
and never really discussed it again.
Last night we had a little “tiff” about ttwd which gradually
escalated to a full blown argument by the time we went to bed. I wanted some sort of reconnect and he was
not in the mood, but instead of saying I want to wait till Friday he said
maybe. Maybe?? I hate Maybe. So it felt as if he was just accommodating me
and I hate that. By the time we got in
bed he wanted to talk and I was distancing, I don’t like to feel vulnerable or
rejected and yet that was how I was feeling.
I tried to explain that to him but it didn’t come out that way and after
asking me multiple times to stop talking at him, he raised up and grabbed the
blankets that were over me and I knew he was going to spank me, not the
reconnect kind. Then it came out of my
mouth…
“You don’t get to do this, tonight!!!”
What??? Did I really just say that to him? Stunned, He said “How’s this suppose to work
if I don’t get to act on this situation?”
Now I know I should have probably stopped right, there and said “Okay,
honey. You’re right. I asked for this
dynamic and now I am ‘tying your hands’, so I will accept whatever consequences
you see fit to administer.” Somehow
those words got lost between my brain and my mouth so what actually came out
was more like “Not tonight!!!!” and then I jerked the blankets back and rolled
over. Okay, now 3 things were running through my mind:
What the heck are you saying, stop it. He’s trying, be
patient.
Who does he think he is?
He can’t tell me, no and then get mad and throw me over his knee!
If he does spank me now then I’ve won, this battle. That’s what started this whole thing I wanted
a reconnect tonight instead of Friday, he said no, and it pissed me off! But I didn’t want to win this battle, not
like that. I didn’t want him to think I
manipulated him into it. So I said no.
He got out of bed and said we’ll talk more after you’ve
cooled off. And with that he went
outside on the porch. Now this is our
usual argument cycle, we fight he gets mad and retreats, falls asleep or goes
outside (he doesn’t leave the house) he just escapes, and I lay in bed and get
upset that he doesn’t care about the situation.
Sometimes I’m the one that ends up on the porch, but last night it was
him. While I laid in bed I knew that he
would come upstairs and go right to sleep like nothing was wrong. He would be indifferent, it wouldn’t matter!!
So after about 5 -10 minutes he came back to bed and I laid there, not saying
anything, I was fuming…I was preparing for the inevitable indifference or for
the conversation where he says, this isn’t working so we’re gonna stop
ttwd.
Silence….
Then all of a sudden he spoke:
“You awake?”
“Yes, why?”
“I want you to do something.”
“What?”
“Get out of bed.” Now for a fleeting moment I thought “Certainly, he won’t kick me out of my own
bed! Would he?”
I got out of bed and walked over to his side and stood there
with my hands on my hips.
“Walk over to the wall and face that spot beside the window.”
“What? Why?”
“You’re gonna stand there for 10 minutes”
“Ummm, I don’t do
corner time! Oh, h#%$$ no.
He grinned raised his eyebrows and said “Well you do
tonight, and your working on making it 15 minutes.
Indignantly I turned to face the wall.
I was mad; it was the same anger stage I go through with an
actual spanking. I guess he could tell I
was mad, so he said, quit huffing and puffing!
I did. That was probably the most
boring thing I have ever had to do, no talking, moving around or heavy
breathing noises. It stunk!
He knew I was still angry so he said, take off your short
bottoms, and you’ll only have 2 more minutes to stand there.
I looked over my shoulder at him and said, “No, thanks. I finish my time with them on.” Wow, really?? It was like my mouth wouldn’t
stop!! I figured he’d give up and say
okay then you can just finish your time.
Nope, He said well you can take them down with a good attitude and only
have 2 minutes left or you can take them down reluctantly and stay there for 7
more minutes. Wait a minute; did he just
add more time?? Yep, and so the shorts
hit the floor. Now before anyone chimes
in about this being a sexual playtime, it wasn’t. He knows that my clothing is a wall I hide
behind, I don’t like to be naked, partially or otherwise (it makes me feel
vulnerable and out of control) that’s the message I got loud and clear, “stop
trying to control the situation, be vulnerable to him, communicate with him
(not at him) and he will be worthy of my trust.” Then
it happened…
All this time I had been worried that he wasn’t seeing the
benefits of ttwd and now he has issued a consequence (quite wisely, I might
add) of his own choosing. When my time
was up he told me to get back in bed and come and lay on his chest. When I looked up at him he kissed my forehead
and began talking.
He said, “Ttwd is not always going to be fun or easy, but I
want you to know I am in this not because of you but because it is working for
us. This is much better than fighting
all night or being mad at each other for days”
You know what, he’s right.
As I type this I can’t explain the love I have for this man, it is indescribable.
