Courage, and a Toast to the Real Women of Blogland

Dearest Friends,

I haven't posted in quite awhile, partly because of the "busyness" of summer and more recently because I hit a wall.  Not a physical wall, but an emotional one.  With the recent events in blogland "coming to light" I realized that I felt very strongly about the situation and everytime I tried to write or post something unrelated it was like my fingers refused to type anything other than my thoughts on this situation. So without further delay and mainly so I can process it and move on here's my "2 cents" on the topic.  My heart goes out to all involved and hopefully all involved will find healing.

When I first heard about the deception that had occurred, it was from Christina's own confessional blog post. At first I thought, "Wow, that takes some courage" to ask forgiveness and admit a wrong-doing.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized no, it doesn't take courage to do that, it takes the same amount of courage for a bank robber to ask forgiveness from the court right before he is sentenced...

I don't know the whole story, and I won't pretend that I was extremely hurt by her deception; however, how do you supposedly lie to "friends" for years?  I won't go into "Why it is wrong to lie." We all know the answer to that, What I will say is it takes way more courage to be real to start with.  I can't stand to be lied to or have someone steal from me. 

Sooo, let me say this too, if you want to be a friend of mine, please don't pretend to be something you're not, because I won't take it as well as some of the others here in blogland, I might actually get alittle "rowdy" about it.  So please be honest.  We don't have to agree but if we are not honest with ourselves and our friends, then it is all in vain.  Trust is the foundation for any relationship so if you're honest, we're going to get along just fine, otherwise find somewhere else to go, because the "Real Women of Blogland", you know the ones courageous enough to say, "We don't have it all figured out but we're still here and we care."; those of us that are sincere and not playing games with other's emotions, yeah, we don't deserve anymore crappy drama. So go peddle your shit lies somewhere else, because trust me, it will all come to light one day and you'll wish you hadn't lost such wonderful friends by making up stories just to fit in.  This is not just aimed at Christina, it is anyone, (you know who you are) that is not being honest with the community!

I would say I'm sorry if that seems harsh to some of you, but I'm not sorry. It should be harsh, it is a warning.  If one of my children lied to me, I would not coddle them and say lying hurts others (maybe when they were young) but even my youngest who is under 5 knows better and knows that lies come with consequences.  So my warning is harsh, be honest with me or go somewhere else!


So, today I raise my glass (imaginary of course), to all you wonderful ladies out there in blogland the truly courageous women that share their ups and downs with us and stop by to encourage others in their process of striving for a happier marriage. The women that are honest, maybe not about names as just about all of us have "pen" names, but honest about their experiences. 

To you ladies....Cheers, Salud or whatever you're supposed to say during a toast!!!

On the Porch

Many activities, have happened on our front porch...

We've had long talks as a couple...

Barbecues with friends or family...

Sweet conversations with our children...

Plenty of laughs...

A few tears...

The very rare romp late on a summer night...

even a few swats for sassiness...

but this morning I got a quick but very effective Front porch session...

It all started on Thursday, we had a long drive together and had some appointments,  at 2 different times on Thursday I was really disrespectful to Foreman.  He was trying to explain something to me and I started talking over him, in front of others :-o not once but twice!  Both times he resigned to step back from me and let me finish spinning out of control. 
Once we were in the car heading home, I spoke first. 

"You were right, I know you were just trying to help me understand and to keep me from stressing, and I just kept cutting you off and talking over you."

I was hateful and I basically cut him down in front of 2 different individuals.  Gasp! Looking back, I'm amazed that he kept his cool, I remember one of the individuals looking at me sort of in awe of my stress-rant and in the way I was speaking to Foreman and they don't have a clue about our dynamic...

So he accepted my apology in the car and we had a pleasant drive home.  He understood I was stressed and I thought that would be the end of it...
I thought about it all day yesterday, I just couldn't shake the feeling and the look of hurt and frustration on his face the 2nd time I went into my rant.  That look...it's the look he used to give when I did those things on a regular basis...a defeated look.  I hate that look but in the moment I couldn't stop my mouth.
Fast forward to last night and he asked me if I was going to go running and he would watch the kids, I very plainly said no, not tonight. 
Now, Foreman doesn't have a long list of rules and he doesn't micromanage me. Before we did this last boot camp, he wouldn't have done anything about me not running, because he doesn't want to be a tyrant...he has noticed how proud I am of myself when I do go running and how great I feel afterwards, and he was offering to help, not just demanding that I go.  Last night we talked about it all and he told me he wasn't happy with my attitude the other day and that he knew I wasn't happy about it either, he also said that he wasn't happy that I chose not to go running and that he really didn't like the way I said, no.
After we talked we got the kids in bed and watched a ne show on television...he held my hand ;-).  Then we went up to bed, he said he was tired but that he expected me to get up with him this morning since he had to go to work.  This morning while the kids were still asleep, I got invited out onto the front porch and he took care of things.  I feel better about things now and I'm so glad he didn't let me go on with that horrible attitude. 
Well, I have plenty to do before he gets home today and we have some lovely friends coming over for the evening.  Hope your all having a wonderful weekend.

Hugs,
Sass

Wall Time, Really??

When we first restarted ttwd we had a brief discussion about other forms of consequences such as removal of privileges (my coffee maker L), corner time and etc… well, we never agreed to do any type of corner time or bedroom time but it was something I mentioned during one of our conversations; but I said I didn’t think it would be anything I would do, because it seemed more like a “Time-out” and I doubted that it would be effective, soooo we moved on in our discussions and never really discussed it again. 

Last night we had a little “tiff” about ttwd which gradually escalated to a full blown argument by the time we went to bed.  I wanted some sort of reconnect and he was not in the mood, but instead of saying I want to wait till Friday he said maybe.  Maybe?? I hate Maybe.  So it felt as if he was just accommodating me and I hate that.  By the time we got in bed he wanted to talk and I was distancing, I don’t like to feel vulnerable or rejected and yet that was how I was feeling.  I tried to explain that to him but it didn’t come out that way and after asking me multiple times to stop talking at him, he raised up and grabbed the blankets that were over me and I knew he was going to spank me, not the reconnect kind.  Then it came out of my mouth…

“You don’t get to do this, tonight!!!”  What??? Did I really just say that to him?  Stunned, He said “How’s this suppose to work if I don’t get to act on this situation?”  Now I know I should have probably stopped right, there and said “Okay, honey.  You’re right. I asked for this dynamic and now I am ‘tying your hands’, so I will accept whatever consequences you see fit to administer.”  Somehow those words got lost between my brain and my mouth so what actually came out was more like “Not tonight!!!!” and then I jerked the blankets back and rolled over. Okay, now 3 things were running through my mind:

What the heck are you saying, stop it. He’s trying, be patient.

Who does he think he is?  He can’t tell me, no and then get mad and throw me over his knee!

If he does spank me now then I’ve won, this battle.  That’s what started this whole thing I wanted a reconnect tonight instead of Friday, he said no, and it pissed me off!  But I didn’t want to win this battle, not like that.  I didn’t want him to think I manipulated him into it.  So I said no.

He got out of bed and said we’ll talk more after you’ve cooled off.  And with that he went outside on the porch.  Now this is our usual argument cycle, we fight he gets mad and retreats, falls asleep or goes outside (he doesn’t leave the house) he just escapes, and I lay in bed and get upset that he doesn’t care about the situation.  Sometimes I’m the one that ends up on the porch, but last night it was him.  While I laid in bed I knew that he would come upstairs and go right to sleep like nothing was wrong.  He would be indifferent, it wouldn’t matter!! So after about 5 -10 minutes he came back to bed and I laid there, not saying anything, I was fuming…I was preparing for the inevitable indifference or for the conversation where he says, this isn’t working so we’re gonna stop ttwd. 

Silence….

Then all of a sudden he spoke:

“You awake?”

“Yes, why?”

“I want you to do something.”

“What?”

“Get out of bed.” Now for a fleeting moment I thought “Certainly, he won’t kick me out of my own bed!  Would he?”

I got out of bed and walked over to his side and stood there with my hands on my hips.

“Walk over to the wall and face that spot beside the window.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re gonna stand there for 10 minutes”

  “Ummm, I don’t do corner time! Oh,  h#%$$ no.

He grinned raised his eyebrows and said “Well you do tonight, and your working on making it 15 minutes.

Indignantly I turned to face the wall.

I was mad; it was the same anger stage I go through with an actual spanking.  I guess he could tell I was mad, so he said, quit huffing and puffing!  I did.  That was probably the most boring thing I have ever had to do, no talking, moving around or heavy breathing noises.  It stunk! 

He knew I was still angry so he said, take off your short bottoms, and you’ll only have 2 more minutes to stand there. 

I looked over my shoulder at him and said, “No, thanks.  I finish my time with them on.”  Wow, really?? It was like my mouth wouldn’t stop!!  I figured he’d give up and say okay then you can just finish your time.  Nope, He said well you can take them down with a good attitude and only have 2 minutes left or you can take them down reluctantly and stay there for 7 more minutes.  Wait a minute; did he just add more time??  Yep, and so the shorts hit the floor.  Now before anyone chimes in about this being a sexual playtime, it wasn’t.  He knows that my clothing is a wall I hide behind, I don’t like to be naked, partially or otherwise (it makes me feel vulnerable and out of control) that’s the message I got loud and clear, “stop trying to control the situation, be vulnerable to him, communicate with him (not at him) and he will be worthy of my trust.”   Then it happened…

All this time I had been worried that he wasn’t seeing the benefits of ttwd and now he has issued a consequence (quite wisely, I might add) of his own choosing.  When my time was up he told me to get back in bed and come and lay on his chest.  When I looked up at him he kissed my forehead and began talking. 

He said, “Ttwd is not always going to be fun or easy, but I want you to know I am in this not because of you but because it is working for us.  This is much better than fighting all night or being mad at each other for days”  

You know what, he’s right.  As I type this I can’t explain the love I have for this man, it is indescribable.