A Beautiful Spanking

I've been debating on whether to share this post or not.  This spanking happened during our boot camp week and although I had shared the experience with a few close blogging friends I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it here or not for reasons I can't discuss.  So after much deliberation I really felt that I wanted to share this experience with all of you...

It started out as a wonderful day, Foreman and I were on our 3rd day of our modified boot camp and he was still sending me sweet texts throughout the day, I sent him a few in return and all was well that is until....

Have you ever gotten a phone call, text or email from a friend or family member that feeds off of negativity?

I got a call...from a family member, she's struggling in her marriage right now and she called me to vent.  Now normally I would redirect the conversation because I have a tendency to 'soak in' all the complaining and negative emotions.  For some reason I couldn't redirect the conversation, so I soaked it all up, you might as well have called me a biscuit cause I was sopping up all the criticism towards her husband and the complaining so by the time Foreman got home...I was in a horrible mood.  He tried several times to talk to me and I blew him off.  He asked where's that sweet 'Sass' that was texting me most of the day? I didn't know what to tell him, I was mad...and at the time I didn't realize why.  Looking back now I can see how detrimental that call was to my own attitude and how easily my emotions were swayed by her negativity.
So after multiple attempts to talk to me, I was a brick wall.  He threatened to take me around the corner of the house and I stood there with eyebrows raised.  After I had calmed down, Foreman 'invited' me down to his building/woodshed.  On the walk to the shed he started talking about how much he had been thinking of me today, how he had went out of his way to send me multiple lovely texts, not because it was his homework (that as the day before) but because he loved me.  Then he gets home to find me pissy, distant and downright hateful.
I knew it, he was right he had been so sweet and loving and I attacked him and then withdrew as soon as he walked through the door.  I started to cry, not because I knew what was coming, but because I knew what I had done to him...to his heart.
When we got in the building he turned me around to face him, with his arm around my back holding me close, he told me he loved me.  He kissed my forehead then my lips and while holding me in that strong hug he began, steady and determined.  As I stood there leaned against his body, I felt his strength not on my backside ;-) but in his hold on me.  For the first time I really felt open to him and instead of laughing or joking or being sassy, I truly felt it... his strength melded with my vulnerability and I cried into his chest while he held me, I released my hold and began to trust him more...it was a beautiful moment that I will never forget. 

Hugs,

Sass

I'm Jealous!!

I'm so jealous!!!

The past 3 weeks have been so very trying for me and an emotional roller coaster.  There were many times I wanted to just pick up the phone and call my best girlfriend and share everything that was going on, but I couldn't. :( She really wouldn't understand and the last thing I need right now is judgement.  I couldn't post because we were busy away from the computer, on vacation and just dealing with the "busyness" of life.

So here I am, jealous...
wishing I had an "IRL" dd friend.
I know we all do. I just hate that I can't talk about dd things and emotions with my real life friends and family, and I can't go into too much detail in my blog posts, so.... here I am jealous!!

If you have a face to face friend that you can confide in or talk with hug them today because there are those of us that would love to have that.

Still Here, Just Not Sure About Things

Hi, friends, I've missed you all terribly!  We've been on vacation from work and from dd/ttwd not sure where we are right now. I'm confused and unsure of where his head is these days and I wish I could change it but I can't.  I love him with or without this dynamic and I know that we will be okay either way. I just feel like I'm in limbo.  I want a full-on commitment to ttwd or a full-on stop of it.  I can't keep bouncing back and forth.  He says he wants this, but he wants to tweak it and that's good but I'm not sure I can follow his lead when it is sporadic or only when convienient for him.  It's not a shift in our relationship, it just seems like a game we are playing when life doesn't get in the way.  I think we have 2 different ideas of what this should look like and maybe we need to call it quits? with ttwd not each other.

Exclamation Points Equal Red Bottom

TTWD is a two-sided coin, what I mean is it is customizable which is great but the other side is trying to find out what works for us.  Now, I could call him Sir all day long and it wouldn’t make a hill of beans to him I could forget to wash his undies or socks and his arm would not start twitching; however, I found out Monday, hanging up on him followed by a sarcastic text with lots of exclamation points can really get his arm swinging. 

Here’s a little background, usually when my husband is working and in the middle of something he doesn’t answer his phone.  So when I called to ask about his schedule for the evening so that I could make plans about the kids extra-curricular activities- I didn’t know he was in the middle of something, he never said “hey, I’m busy” or “I’m moving something heavy or holding something heavy.”  Sheesh set it down already!  So I went on with my discussion and when he got a little snippy I hung up on him.  I was furious because the call was actually to let him know that I had things under control and I had worked out a plan so he wouldn’t have to come home early…ain’t I an angel?  After hanging up on him I sent him a “sweet” text about my plan and included lots of caps and exclamation points.  Now before we started ttwd, if I would have hung up the phone on him he wouldn’t have called back or said anything later either he would have ignored it, been indifferent.  I hate indifference!!!  Not Monday, he called me back about 15 minutes later and said,  I was not trying to be mean, I was actually stuck under a house and I only had one free hand at the time.  (The other was holding something heavy).  He wanted to answer the phone because he wanted to make sure it wasn’t an emergency.  (Very new, not his normal style). Anyone got a rock i can crawl under? Anyone?

Here he was busy and still took the time to answer his phone, and I attacked him for it.  Even though we both had good reasons for feeling stressed I was the only one that escalated it.  He did apologize for sounding snippy on the phone and said we would talk later.  When we did talk he picked up his phone opened his texts and started counting the exclamation points, out loud.

One

I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were busy.

Two,

Why would you answer your phone, anyway?

Three,

I was trying to make your evening less stressful and you got mad at me

Four,

And on and on…..

When he set the phone down, he told me he almost came home to take care of it immediately.

What????

He explained that I had better be careful next time I want to hang up the phone or send nasty exclamation-filled texts because it only takes him 5 minutes to get to the house and he will gladly take the time, if it happens again. 

He took care of things that night, and my phone is full of sweet texts and the exclamation button is getting a rest, unlike my backside ;)

I hope everyone's week is going well and that all your texts are sweet! (Dang it!  Where did those exclamations come from? Blasted, sneaky suckers!!).

 

 

 

Stunt drivers, transitions and boot camp????

I am not a stunt driver however these days I feel like one…

The best analogy I have ever heard for ttwd and Dd is the car scenario.  You can only have one driver, both can be in the front of the vehicle but only one can drive.  It makes perfect sense and I agree completely and I want my husband in the driver’s seat.  The problem comes in when we are trying to change seats.  Life doesn’t stop and so neither has our car…I feel like we are heading down the interstate at 70 miles an hour and we are trying to change seats. 

 Tricky stuff, right? 

If you’ve ever seen an action movie when two people have to change positions in a high speed chase it doesn’t look easy and at some point in the scene there will be no one holding the steering wheel.  That’s what I feel like today. 

 We are in transition, he’s climbing over the car console to trade with me and I am trying to scoot under him and we are both reaching for the steering wheel.  Sometimes he has it firmly in his hand and then other times it feels as though his foot or something may be stuck and he lets go to take care of that, I freak out and jerk the wheel back and almost make us crash!!!  This ttwd is definitely changing the way we do things around here, I just wish we could stop the car and calmly open our respective doors get out of the car and return to our new seats, then start driving again.   But how do we do that, life doesn’t stop nor does it slow down for us these days.  Maybe some sort of bootcamp would be a safer transition?  I don’t know.  I am sure the transition will never be easy or always permanent (I’m sure there will need to be reminders and such) it just feels sort of …reckless. I hope I am making some sort of sense but I doubt it.  Until his HoH bottom is firmly planted in the driver's seat and my bottom is firmly planted in the passenger seat here I sit straddling the console under him; one hand on the wheel and one hand wrapped around him, balancing and praying that God will help him guide this car during the transition and that if we both let go for a moment then atleast God will have the wheel. 

If you all have any advice on the transition or boot camp or stunt driving I’d love to hear it!