I am not a stunt driver however these days I feel like one…
The
best analogy I have ever heard for ttwd and Dd is the car scenario. You can only have one driver, both can be in
the front of the vehicle but only one can drive. It makes perfect sense and I agree completely
and I want my husband in the driver’s seat.
The problem comes in when we are trying to change seats. Life doesn’t stop and so neither has our car…I
feel like we are heading down the interstate at 70 miles an hour and we are
trying to change seats.
Tricky stuff,
right?
If you’ve ever seen an action
movie when two people have to change positions in a high speed chase it doesn’t
look easy and at some point in the scene there will be no one holding the
steering wheel. That’s what I feel like
today.
We are in transition, he’s
climbing over the car console to trade with me and I am trying to scoot under
him and we are both reaching for the steering wheel. Sometimes he has it firmly in his hand and
then other times it feels as though his foot or something may be stuck and he lets go to take care of that, I
freak out and jerk the wheel back and almost make us crash!!! This ttwd is definitely changing the way we
do things around here, I just wish we could stop the car and calmly open our
respective doors get out of the car and return to our new seats, then start
driving again. But how do we do that,
life doesn’t stop nor does it slow down for us these days. Maybe some sort of bootcamp would be a safer
transition? I don’t know. I am sure the transition will never be easy
or always permanent (I’m sure there will need to be reminders and such) it just
feels sort of …reckless. I hope I am making some sort of sense but I doubt
it. Until his HoH bottom is firmly planted in the driver's seat and my bottom is firmly planted in the passenger seat here I sit straddling the console under him; one hand on the wheel and one hand wrapped around him, balancing and praying that God will help him guide this car during the transition and that if we both let go for a moment then atleast God will have the wheel.
If you all have any advice on the
transition or boot camp or stunt driving I’d love to hear it!
Um, I'm probably the worst one to give advice, but pffft, when has that ever stopped me in the past?
ReplyDeleteI think the transition is supposed to be a slow one. While I have never done boot camp, I have had plenty of friends who have. I can get you in touch with one in particular who offered some great advice for me.
But back to NON boot camp. What you describe here is more willing giving up control and your husband TAKING control. It doesn't happen over night. The trick, ( and good luck ) is to give up control on your part. The husband actually TAKING it is short lived, because if you are truly unwilling, or uncomfortable giving it, it won't last long, boot camp or not ( so I have observed). Feeling comfortable to surrender control in all areas takes time. Just when you think you've done it, you found a new area.
This comment is not meant to be discouraging. It is meant to say, don't worry, as time goes on, you will let your grip loosen on the wheel, and your need to straddle the console.. well actually I'm not going to further comment on that *wink*. You'll get there. But it is YOU that has to get there. Don't fret, just trust.
willie
Willie, Thanks for the advice, I am considering this boot camp thing alittle more and would definitely appreciate any information. You are right about the willingness to give up control...I know that is definitely my problem right now, I just need to know that someone will take the reins if i let go. I guess it is more of a trust issue than anything though. He's always saying, just trust me. He's never given me serious reason to not trust him so maybe i am holding back when i should be letting go? Thanks for the insight and as far as the console goes...well the Hubs thought it made for an interesting mental picture ;)
ReplyDeleteemail me at Wilma.barney@gmail.com . I will paraphrase what she told me and then ask her if it is okay to pass you 'over' to her after you read what she shared with me. A little third handed news, but ....
DeleteHey honey :)
ReplyDeleteHmmm difficult thing you ask there, because everyone experiences these things differently. I think it's important to look back through the years of your marriage and see if your guy has been the type to make decisions and act responsibly. Giving up control comes from the heart, when you trust that HE will make the right decisions, and that he's comfortable in this position.
For lots of us, me included, it's been the woman making the majority of decisions over the years and leading the relationship. If this is so, the man has not had an opportunity to show his dominant side and show US that they can lead and make the right decision.
Now I think boot camp is a good thing, the bigginer one, to start things up an help with roles and consistency. But letting go of control is a matter of the heart and trust and this again can be done through communication and time an patience.
There are so many things that go through our minds when we start out, what will become of me, when I give up control, will he be able to deal with everything, am I going to lose myself, is it too much for him????
All these can only be dealt with through talking, talking an talking. Being honest, open and both on board with the dynamic. Starting out slow and steady is so much better than fast and wobbly ;)
Take your time honey, there is no rush, there is no certain time at which you have to reach a destination. Take it easy, take each others hand and walk slowly through your journey. Enjoy it, don't over analyse it. Most importantly, do it together, let him in on your thoughts and angst :)
Ok enough rambling from this side of the planet, I need my morning coffee haha x
Hi Missy, sorry for the delay in responding I was out of town all day yesterday. Thanks for the insight I'm not sure about bootcamp but I knew we needed to do something, even if it was just talk some more.
ReplyDelete"There are so many things that go through our minds when we start out, what will become of me, when I give up control, will he be able to deal with everything, am I going to lose myself, is it too much for him????"
These were definitely questions I was/am having. I feel better about things since he read the post and we talked, I want this to work, but I've got to give it time. He's a test the waters kinda guy and i'm a canon-ball kinda gal, so we are trying to find a balance that suits us both. My canon-ball attitude usually gets me in some pretty dificult situations, so I need to sit back and let him lead. Thanks again.
By the way, i hope you enjoyed your coffee, I know I did!! :)
DeleteLike others have said, it does not happen over night! I certainly wish it did though, don't you?! Lol, but in all seriousness, it's a looong journey, but I think it's all worth it. Boot camp really helped us a lot, and we both would actually like to do it again when we have the time. The spanking part HURTS, but it brought us a lot closer!
ReplyDeleteHi, Kenzie. Glad you stopped by. I'm learning that it does take time (it stinks!!! I hate waiting!) Anyhoo, I decided to take this time to try and discuss with Hubs what this actually looks like for both of us. TTWD is definitely becoming more definable as we chat. Communication is definitely the key. As far as boot camp, we are still unsure right now but so glad it worked for you guys. It's nice to know that if we do proceed with boot camp there are so many I can get advice or info from. Thanks.
ReplyDelete