On the Porch

Many activities, have happened on our front porch...

We've had long talks as a couple...

Barbecues with friends or family...

Sweet conversations with our children...

Plenty of laughs...

A few tears...

The very rare romp late on a summer night...

even a few swats for sassiness...

but this morning I got a quick but very effective Front porch session...

It all started on Thursday, we had a long drive together and had some appointments,  at 2 different times on Thursday I was really disrespectful to Foreman.  He was trying to explain something to me and I started talking over him, in front of others :-o not once but twice!  Both times he resigned to step back from me and let me finish spinning out of control. 
Once we were in the car heading home, I spoke first. 

"You were right, I know you were just trying to help me understand and to keep me from stressing, and I just kept cutting you off and talking over you."

I was hateful and I basically cut him down in front of 2 different individuals.  Gasp! Looking back, I'm amazed that he kept his cool, I remember one of the individuals looking at me sort of in awe of my stress-rant and in the way I was speaking to Foreman and they don't have a clue about our dynamic...

So he accepted my apology in the car and we had a pleasant drive home.  He understood I was stressed and I thought that would be the end of it...
I thought about it all day yesterday, I just couldn't shake the feeling and the look of hurt and frustration on his face the 2nd time I went into my rant.  That look...it's the look he used to give when I did those things on a regular basis...a defeated look.  I hate that look but in the moment I couldn't stop my mouth.
Fast forward to last night and he asked me if I was going to go running and he would watch the kids, I very plainly said no, not tonight. 
Now, Foreman doesn't have a long list of rules and he doesn't micromanage me. Before we did this last boot camp, he wouldn't have done anything about me not running, because he doesn't want to be a tyrant...he has noticed how proud I am of myself when I do go running and how great I feel afterwards, and he was offering to help, not just demanding that I go.  Last night we talked about it all and he told me he wasn't happy with my attitude the other day and that he knew I wasn't happy about it either, he also said that he wasn't happy that I chose not to go running and that he really didn't like the way I said, no.
After we talked we got the kids in bed and watched a ne show on television...he held my hand ;-).  Then we went up to bed, he said he was tired but that he expected me to get up with him this morning since he had to go to work.  This morning while the kids were still asleep, I got invited out onto the front porch and he took care of things.  I feel better about things now and I'm so glad he didn't let me go on with that horrible attitude. 
Well, I have plenty to do before he gets home today and we have some lovely friends coming over for the evening.  Hope your all having a wonderful weekend.

Hugs,
Sass

Rain, Emotional Eating and Modified Boot Camp

Hi, friends.  It's been a hectic and on some level, discouraging weekend. Life happened this weekend.  It happens to us all and to some more than others...and sometimes it really SUCKS.  Life isn't fair, it "rains on the just and the unjust" and sometimes the rain doesn't ever seem to be stopping.
Well at our house we had thought the 'rain' had stopped at least long enough for a rainbow to show through, then all of sudden here comes the rain...again. Now it's not a downpour or a 'hurricane' but still it's that consistent, annoying, "life stinks sometimes" kinda rain and there isn't anything I can do about it!  All this 'rain' has absolutely nothing to do with dd/ttwd but it did affect our modified boot camp schedule but the 'rain' itself was the most discouraging of all, in fact we actually continued on with our dd activities which I think helped me process things better.  I also got a wonderful evening with Foreman on Sunday, we had dinner out with another couple and then watched a movie snuggled on the couch afterwards. 

Boot camp went according to plans, sorta... the point was to have it during our regular life so week could adapt and continue.  After our talk on Sunday evening we both felt like we had accomplished that goal; howeve we both didn't truly feel like it was a "boot camp".  We got our feet wet, this time and if Foreman decides to do another then we'll see if we will set it up the same or different.  I'm actually pleasantly surprised at everything we were able to accomplish during our regular everyday lives and how close I feel to him, and how we both grew a little more comfortable in our roles throughout the week.  So my final opinion, it was a success.  Will we adjust more next time? Definitely. Will we ever do it again? I hope.

So what does this post have to do with emotional eating?  Well, due to the weekend 'rain' I've been on the phone and email with doctors and hospitals etc...all morning and a good part of the weekend.  I could have ha a wonderful breakfast this morning of eggs, or oatmeal, something healthy but no, I'm having roasted garlic triscuits with cheese melted on top! lol  So here's to emotional eating after the 'rain'. 

Hugs,
Sass

Bootcamp and Sweet Texts

Ok folks we're on day 2 of our boot camp yesterday went well. Like I've said before we're not doing the boot camp by the book.  I actually bought the book last year and we used some of it but adapted most of it to fit our goals and...so far so good.

Here's how we set ours up:

We're doing our for 4 days Saturday is last day

Still keeping our regular, daily schedules

3 sessions daily each with a purpose or theme

Homework assignments are done separately except the last one will be done together on Saturday
Ex. of homework:  He decided that throughout the day today he wanted me to feel loved and beautiful so he wanted to send me 10 texts throughout the day about what he loves about me. :-)
I thought this was a better idea than him just writing them down too.  I've already received 2 and I'm feeling very loved right now.

Areas of focus are my time management while at the house, my exercising and his comfort level with effectively incorporating this lifestyle (ie, privacy, effective use of other methods).  The time management and exercise were my requests and where I want to improve.

We didn't have a date night before we started, we decided to wait until we are finished.  It's a pretty laidback week, not typical boot camp, but I think we're accomplishing what we set out to do.

I've got plenty to do to day so I better run.  Hope you're all having a wonderful week.

Hugs,

Sass

How Much Does Laundry Detergent Really Cost?

Okay, boot camp plans are waiting to be finalized with Foreman...sooo until we sit down again and chat about things I won't have any information or details to share.  So in the meantime here's an embarrassing story that happened last week.

At our house we typically sit down to eat dinner as a family every night unless we are over at friends' houses or having pizza night.  What is it about pizza that makes me feel like it should not be eaten at the dinner table?
Anyway we were eating dinner Friday night at the table when my youngest pipes up to her Dad, "Mom couldn't make any laundry detergent today so I didn't get to stir it!"

So here's the deal I make our laundry detergent. In fact I love to make it, we save money and it makes the whole house smell so nice! I had planned to make it that day and had announced to her that she could help however, I couldn't find one key tool that I needed...

"Awww, what happened," he asked her.

"We couldn't find Mommy's big spoon!  We looked everywhere today, no spoon."

True, I have a long spoon that I use only for making laundry detergent.

"The big white spoon?" one of my older kids asked.

"Yes, have you seen it?" I asked

"No" was everyone's response

Then my husband looks at me and without thinking (or maybe on purpose) says "did you check upstairs?"

The only rooms upstairs are a bathroom and our bedroom!!!  AAAAACCCKKK! What is he saying...we've never even used that thing...

The confused looks on the kids faces were followed by "Why would the big spoon be upstairs?"

Can I crawl under the table? Am I blushing?

To which he replied oh so calmly with,

"I don't know, you're Mom and I are always finding stuff you kids have carried up to the bathroom with you and left there."

Then he gave me a quick wink and a sly grin...he thinks he's funny

Thankfully there weren't anymore questions and the color in my face did return to normal.

We did find the big spoon nestled in the laundry room right there in the huge bucket I normally use, it had the lid on it and I never put it in there, apparently my little one had hid it in there several weeks before and consequently forgot about it.

If that's where his mind went when he thought of the big laundry spoon, maybe I should get rid of the spoon and start buying my detergent!

Hope everyone is having a great week so far. :-)

Sass

Preparing for Bootcamp

Well friends, we've decided to do Bootcamp.  However, because of our schedules and our inability to have 2-3 days alone the Foreman decided to spread it out over a 4-5 day time frame.  He's asked me to write down a rough draft of what I think those 4-5 days should look like (my expectations, goals, etc...) and then he will sit down and tweak it to include or exclude activities that he thinks are or aren't necessary. 

Now I know some of you may say, how will you do this with the kids around?  We talked about that and we both decided that our adapted version would actually push us both to be more creative and consistent with ttwd/dd in our regular lives.  If you remove the daily activity of life with our kids, jobs, etc...then mine and Foreman's stress levels are way down which is good, but not reality for us.  For me, a vacation-type bootcamp would just set us up for disappointment when we went back to real life. This way we are able to work on some issues and goals, while also ironing out the kinks of this lifestyle in our everyday lives.  In fact that is one of our goals, to see how we can accomplish this better and more effectively in our daily lives.

Don't worry our children will not be aware of anything different.

So I have a schedule and activities to work on, if those of you that have completed a bootcamp have any advice or comments please let me know in the comment section or you can email me at
1sassafrassladyatgmail.com

Thanks,

Sass

Meet the Man

It's been a crazy weekend.  There has been so much that has happened good, bad and even ugly.  I won't bore you all with the details as most of it is just regular life at my house.  But it was one of those weekends where you are drained from the emotional highs and lows.  The details aren't important what is important is that when I look back over the past weekend, month, year there is one thing that has been constant (other than God's love) and that is my husband, my Man.
 

Anyways, this got me to thinking about my husband and how wonderful he is at helping me think things through.  So I thought I would use this post to introduce everyone to my husband.  Throughout blogland there are several blogs with interesting names for their husbands.  Sarah @ Clear as Mud has He-man, Stormy has Ogre, Susie has (MM) Mischief Manager, and etc... I have always wanted to give him a blog name but he always said "hubby" is fine.  That is until...this past weekend.  I had asked him again about it because it is hard for me to talk about him like he doesn't have a name soooo, without further adu(is that spelled right?)

Meet...

My Foreman, no not Fireman, Foreman :)

Funny little side story, we were laying in bed one night and I was talking about the names I wanted to use and gave him a list one of them was "the Wall" mainly because of a post from last year about wall-time and the fact that he is a "protector", anyways when I said it, he stopped looked at me and with a huge grin on his face said, "So, do you wanna, climb the wall?"  ;)

He finally decided on the Foreman, I love it, ummm not as much as I enjoyed "climbing the wall" but oh, well. ;-)

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Sass

DD/TTWD The Natural Way

I didn't really know where to start because I have so much to catch you all up on and I may never get to it all.  While I was thinking about what to post over the past few days, I realized, how far we've come as a couple.  If you read my last 2 posts from last year, it sounded as if TTWD/DD was coming to an end.  I sounded so distressed! Looking back now I can giggle about how dramatic I sounded. I did feel that way at the time but I now realize that my stress at that time was simply from trying to control how I thought we should practice DD.  I already had the proof that he thought this was a good road to travel down but because he wasn't doing things "the right way" (heavy sarcasm) it stressed me. 

Sooooo, what did Sass learn over the past year?
There is no "right way" to do TTWD, it is a natural progression, it's organic (in a way). You can't put it into a box, give it to your husband and say "Here it is, Let's get to it!"  It has to be a process for him too, a natural one. Otherwise it will feel fake or simply like a game that you play. 

During and right after my last 2 posts from 2013, we had multiple talks and control battles over DD.  The funny thing is when I stopped and I mean completely stopped hounding him about consistency; that's when he started his natural progression.  Eventually I told him, I love you and I want to continue with DD, but if you do not want to that's fine too.  I left the door open for him by letting him know I wasn't going to talk about it for a while and if he feels action or consequences need to be given out then I would accept them, if not I wouldn't argue about it.  In all honesty, I thought, "this is it, his way out," however that couldn't have been further from the reality.  Nothing really happened for the first month or so after we had these talks, but then something amazing started to happen.  I would get snippy or even overwhelmed and I would get a few quick swats in the kitchen or where ever I happened to be.  One night, he even tossed me over his lap on the couch for a quick couple of swats for being mouthy.  There have been other instances and consequences that have come about over the past year and I'll tell you all about'em. Like my first "BedroomTime" and etc... but I just wanted this first post to be about how naturally things have been falling into place since then.  He's much more comfortable with his leadership and I am more comfortable with letting go of the reins.  We've learned trust and respect, communication and vulnerability. It's been an interesting ride and I wouldn't change it for the world. 
Apparently our relationship has improved to the point that I had a very close friend ask me what we've been doing for him to be so loving towards me, not that he wasn't loving before, he just wasn't a PDA kinda guy, but she said she noticed some changes.  Probably, how he rests his hand on the back of my neck, or kisses my forehead now.  I'll tell you more about that conversation later, the point is if you are a newbie, don't rush too much into rules and structure and consequences, unless your hubby is on board with that.  Let your relationship take its natural shape, follow his lead, accept him where he is, then sit back and watch the beauty of your relationship unfold. 

Hugs,

Sass